I’m all about unforgiving and hating and holding grudges because it keeps me safe and mentally healthy and I don’t care about your stupid feel-good quotes about forgiving everyone everywhere always so you can take your feel-good emotionally manipulative apologist bullshit and shove it
It seems so much easier to just jump, and get out of everybody’s way. It seems like the only logical choice. Selfishness doesn’t really enter into it. I sort of wish it did. It would be easier to argue with the little voices, or at least it seems like it would be easier; we’re all trained from childhood not to be selfish, and that makes selfishness easier to refute than narrowness. "I won’t be selfish" is an easier statement than "I will continue to exist, even though there are no options, even though it will never get better, even though I am a burden to all those around me, even though I am unworthy of love, even though I do not deserve this skin, this sky, this space that I inhabit." And easy is…easy is easy. We want easy. When everything is hard, easy becomes incredibly tempting.
Writing this down is hard.
I didn’t tell most people how depressed I was, because I didn’t think I deserved my own depression. I have a pretty good life! I have all the things I listed, and more, and saying "I want to die" when I have a pretty good life felt like bragging; it felt like trying to claim a sorrow I had no right to. But depression doesn’t give a fuck how good your life is. Depression is a function of fucked-up brain chemistry
There are essentially only two drugs that Western civilization tolerates: Caffeine from Monday to Friday to energize you enough to make you a productive member of society, and alcohol from Friday to Monday to keep you too stupid to figure out the prison that you are living in.
—Bill Hicks (via thingsthatsing)
There are people who use religion instead. Which explains all sorts of things.
In the United States, nine percent of computer science majors are unemployed, and 14.7 percent of those who hold degrees in information systems have no job. Graduates with degrees in STEM – science, technology, engineering and medicine – are facing record joblessness, with unemployment at more than twice pre-recession levels. The job market for law degree holders continues to erode, with only 55 percent of 2011 law graduates in full-time jobs. Even in the military, that behemoth of the national budget, positions are being eliminated or becoming contingent due to the sequester.
It is not skills or majors that are being devalued. It is people.
You know you’re a survivor when no one else around you understands why you’re extremely terrified of being “in trouble”.
I never know if it’s reassuring or not when I see these things and go “That’s me!”
lets play a game called ‘i feel like i’m bothering you with everything i say so i won’t make any attempts at contact until you message me first’
… this is basically my life sometimes. anxiety sucks.